Forgiveness, Tina Strambler says, is one of the hardest
things she has ever learned to do. And she wants to be clear about what it
is—and what it isn't.
"It wasn't a moment. It wasn't a prayer. It wasn't a
decision I made once and never struggled with again," Strambler writes in
her newly released memoir, Raised by Strangers, Rebuilt by Love. "It
was a process. A long one. A painful one. A necessary one."
In the book, Strambler tackles the complex topic of
forgiveness head-on—offering a nuanced perspective shaped by decades of healing
from abuse, neglect, and loss. Her message: forgiveness isn't about excusing
what happened. It's about setting yourself free.
The Weight She
Carried
For years, Strambler carried anger toward the woman who
should have protected her. Her mother, struggling with addiction and her own
unhealed wounds, had disappeared into herself long before Strambler and her
siblings were removed from the home.
"I think I hated her," Strambler admits in the
memoir. "That's not easy to say. Especially as a woman. Especially as a
mother myself. Society doesn't give children permission to feel anger toward
their parents, especially mothers. We're taught to excuse, to forgive, to
understand before we're even allowed to feel hurt."
But the truth, she writes, is more complicated—and more
honest.
"I hated her for the pain she caused me. I hated her
for choosing drugs over us. I hated her for not protecting us. I hated her for
not being who I needed when I was small and helpless and terrified."
What Forgiveness Is
Not
Through years of therapy and healing, Strambler came to
understand that many people misunderstand forgiveness—and that misunderstanding
can actually hinder healing.
"People hear the word forgive and think it means
pretending nothing happened, letting go of the truth, or excusing the abuse
that nearly destroyed my childhood," she explains. "But forgiveness
is none of that."
Forgiveness, she learned, is not about the people who hurt
you. It's about you.
"Forgiveness is freedom. And it wasn't something I gave
my abusers. It was something I eventually gave myself."
Learning a New Way
Strambler credits therapy—particularly the work she did with
counselor Jalynn Hogan at High Sky Children's Ranch in Midland—with helping her
understand forgiveness in a new way.
"Therapy taught me something I had never heard before:
You can forgive without forgetting. You can release the pain without letting
anyone back in. You can move forward without pretending the past didn't
happen."
For the first time, she felt understood. Seen. Validated.
"I learned to unravel the layers of myself—the anger,
the fear, the guilt, the shame, the sadness. I learned to name my wounds, then
slowly stitch them back together. I learned that my childhood was not my fault,
not one single part of it."
Forgiving Her Mother
Forgiving her mother was one of the hardest parts of the
journey. It required Strambler to see her mother as more than just the source
of her pain—to understand the struggles and demons that had shaped her.
"She was broken, too. She was lost, too. She didn't
have the help she needed. She didn't have anyone to save her."
Understanding her mother's pain didn't excuse what happened.
But it helped release the bitterness.
"Forgiving her didn't mean we had a perfect
relationship. It didn't mean I forgot. It didn't mean I stopped wishing things
had been different. It meant I let go of the anger that tied me to a story I no
longer wanted to live inside."
Strambler's mother passed away on March 29, 2021, at the age
of 69. By then, Strambler had done enough healing to feel at peace.
The Hardest
Forgiveness
The person Strambler had to forgive most, she says, was
herself.
"I blamed myself for the abuse. I blamed myself for not
being able to help my siblings. I blamed myself for the mistakes I made as a
teenager. I blamed myself for the things I didn't know, didn't understand,
couldn't change."
Learning to forgive herself meant recognizing a fundamental
truth: she was a child who survived, not a child who failed.
"I forgave the girl who learned to hide her pain. I
forgave the girl who fought to stay alive. I forgave the girl who tried to find
love in all the wrong places. I forgave the girl who didn't know better because
no one had ever taught her better."
A Love That Helped
Heal
Strambler also credits her husband Roderick, whom she met
the night of her high school graduation, with helping her learn what healthy
love feels like—and, by extension, what forgiveness requires.
"Roderick loved me through wounds he didn't cause. He
held spaces inside me that were still raw. He believed in me when I doubted
myself. He showed me what healthy love was supposed to feel like."
In many ways, she says, Roderick was the first person who
taught her that forgiveness wasn't about the past—it was about the future.
Their future. Their children's future.
Forgiveness as a
Daily Practice
Even now, decades later, Strambler says forgiveness isn't
something she did once and moved on from. It's something she practices every
day.
"Every time I refuse to let the past define me. Every
time I choose love over fear. Every time I speak about my story instead of
hiding it. Every time I see myself as worthy. Every time I love my children the
way I was never loved."
That, she says, is what forgiveness really is—not a single
act, but a way of living.
"Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination," she
reflects. "And every step I take brings me closer to the woman I was
always meant to be."
A Message for Anyone
Struggling to Forgive
For anyone carrying the weight of unforgiveness—toward a
parent, an abuser, or themselves—Strambler offers this:
"Forgiveness isn't something you give to people who
hurt you. It's something you give to yourself. It's freedom. It's choosing to
stop carrying them around in your heart, in your head, in your pain. It's
choosing to let yourself go free."
About the Author
Tina Strambler lives in Midland, Texas, with her husband
Roderick. She has worked in the oil and gas industry for 15 years and is a
proud grandmother of four. Raised by Strangers, Rebuilt by Love is
her first book.
Availability
Raised by Strangers, Rebuilt by Love is available now
in paperback, hardcover, and eBook. For media inquiries, speaking engagement
requests, or interview opportunities, please contact
Contact:
Authur: Tina Strambler
Wesbite: https://tinastrambler.com/
Amazon: Raised by Strangers, Rebuilt by Love: How Foster Care Saved My Life and Shaped My Purpose
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